Embracing Silence

I have spent a lot of time alone this summer. I needed the healing time after my sister died. I also needed the healing time from a stressful year. I easily stress myself out by trying to make everything work as perfectly as possible. The control freak in me is my death. So it is good to have time away without a lot of things to fix.

Alone time at the beach brings with it a lot of silence, whether walking on the beach itself or sitting on our deck early in the morning, the sound of the surf and a lot of birds are often the only thing you hear for long periods of time. We also have the silence of technology – no cable or internet at our beach house. The radio station provides sound bites, if I happen to be listening on the hour. I go to the library to check up on emails and peek at the news, but it’s not a daily thing.

I went home to the suburbs for a week and it took me almost the entire week to notice the biggest noise difference. It wasn’t the neighbors yelling, or the sound of sirens all around. It wasn’t more dogs barking or even kids playing on the block. It was the TV and internet. I get up in the morning, make some breakfast and then turn on the morning news shows. I do exercise to the accompaniment of more morning shows. I browse the internet to get more information, or find new. I realized I spent less time reading, and certainly little time meditating.

At the beach I have made a habit of spending time every morning reading. I start with a little devotional book a friend gave me. I move on to a book I picked up for school, but have found it to be profoundly enriching to my soul, Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies, by Marilyn Chandler McEntyre. And finally I read a few poems by Mary Oliver, a Pulitzer Prize winning poet who has also fed my soul. On average, I have probably spent an hour every morning in this endeavor.At home, I got up and turned on the TV, and it was only at the end of the week I realized I hadn’t cracked any one of those three books. Instead, I’d chosen to fill my head with noise.

I have to wonder why? That home routine has served me for several years now. I can’t tell you when it replaced a more contemplative, spiritual journey. Obviously it has. And replaced it with noise.The Bible says to “be still and know that I am God.”  It’s hard to hear God’s voice amidst noise. It’s hard to find calm amidst noise. It’s hard to let go of stress and find healing amidst noise. So why choose noise? It’s not like I’ve missed any key news points of the summer. I know the political conventions came, and I even read some speeches. I know major populated places have been blown up by crazies, not to mention several police officers as compensation for several people of color. I know there are wars and rumors of wars and fires and floods and earthquakes. So what would I really miss if I took my beach habits home? What if I sought more stillness and silence?

I’ve discovered that starting my day using my time spent in quiet makes for a better day. I know starting my day with contemplative reading also opens up into a time for prayer. I know I’ve processed through a lot of things, talking them over with God in the silence of my back yard. My creative juices have been flowing.  I find myself excited about a new school year. My soul is feeling healthier.

It takes me probably an hour to get ready for work, if that. I usually am up 2 ½ hours before I need to head out. I watch TV, do some exercise and eat breakfast before beginning to get ready for work. What part of that extra 2 ½ hours wouldn’t better be served with some time spent in contemplative reading and prayer? Why did I lose that habit at home?

I think I just got lazy. I think the sound of the morning news shows filled my head so I didn’t have to think too much in the morning. But they filled my head with more anxiety and noise. And heaven only know I don’t need more stress and noise in my life. But because it was easy, I made that my habit.

My major lesson of the summer is my need for silence, stillness. I need to ease into the morning, not with TV, but with quiet reading of words that feed my soul. I need that so much more than the news, especially before heading out for my day with students.

I also see a need to allow for silence throughout the day, especially in conversation. I am so quick to fill silence in conversation. I need to take more time to listen, and that means I need to be silent.  I can be the noise holding someone else back. So I am going to try to talk less (not an easy goal for me) and allow for more silence, hopefully opportunity for my students to talk more.

The interesting thing about silence is that often it isn’t comfortable. When a conversation stops, the silence can feel unending and often we feel the need to fill it. Silence becomes awkward. But perhaps the conversation needed time before continuing. Perhaps by jumping in to fill the silence something important was lost. I have students who cannot work in silence. They must have music, or TV or something making noise, otherwise they can’t think – or so they believe. Maybe it’s the thinking we don’t want to do, so we fill the spaces with noise?  I want to allow for more silence in my conversations, as well as my personal space.

Marilyn McEntyre says, “Give shape to silence so we can see it, not as a void or abyss but as a place to lie down in green pastures and be restored”.