Influence

 

Who influences me? Who do I listen to? Who do I think speaks truth? From whom do I get my instruction, inspiration, direction? With all of the voices thrown at us every day, how do I know to whom I should listen?

The internet has opened up the world to us. If we have a question, we just “google” it and find an answer. We can receive the news from multiple outlets. We can listen to a plethora of voices every day. Where we used to just listen to the newspaper, or the radio, or the television (with limited channels), today we have a multitude of choices, and we can carry the internet wherever we go on many devices, but especially on our phone.

I first stepped into the online world in the 90’s. At school we had a few Mac computers for all of us to use. We could send and receive emails, and learned to do so. I bought my first personal computer in the 90’s, and entered the online world via AT&T dialup. Remember the sound of that dialup tone?  One moment I was still relying on print and television for my news and the next everything was on line. We eventually each had our own computer at school. Laptops became the rage. The biggest change came with owning my first smart phone. Now the internet went everywhere with me.

But with these evolving changes came so much noise and subsequent unease and anxiety. Thoreau wrote about spending time at Walden Pond to get away from the noise of the newspaper! Imagine if Thoreau could see how much noisier our world is today.

We found that there is such a thing as too much information. And a lot of it we cannot even trust. I can “google” anything I wish to know, but how do I know if the answer is true? It is possible to dig deeper than the first answer, but that also takes more time and deliberation. Often I just accept the first. And then there is social media. I have tried to avoid as much of that as possible. But even if you don’t have accounts you are still aware of the power of social media. Algorithms took over our news feeds. I remember a friend’s mother amazed that her daughter didn’t know something. “It’s all over the internet. Everything I see on Facebook talks about it. How can you not have known?”  Her daughter replied, “I’ve seen nothing of that on Facebook.”  “But how can our Facebook feeds be so different?”  Algorithms. So social media feeds us what we want to hear (or what its AI discerns we want to hear). 

Those of us raised in the 20^th Century thought the rise of cable television was amazing. Our first “influencers” came from that platform. 24 hour television, what a concept. But the internet made cable TV feel like the dark ages. Some people don’t even watch TV at all anymore, why bother when you can stream on any of your devices? Voices piled upon voices. I used to watch the news on TV, but now, for the most part, I just use my phone.

And those algorithms. My husband is working on a bathroom project. He has researched a lot online, and now finds himself receiving ads, not only for plumbing merchandise, but for all manner of intestinal ailments and cures. Like ordering a RV toilet means he has chronic diarrhea. He ordered a lot of his materials using my Amazon Prime account, and now I have ads for toilets and faucets. I’ve always wondered why, when I just bought a pair of pants on line, the ads for more pants start popping up. I just bought pants, now I should get ads for shirts or shoes, but no, I get ads for more pants. The internet knows we always need more.

And, while we are on the topic, online shopping has become “the thing”. Covid pushed me over the edge on that activity, as it did a lot of other people. Any time I do a bit of research on a purchase, a lot of “people” come my way via ads and videos to help me out. All of them pushing their thoughts and research. And once I’ve looked at a topic, say the benefits of vitamin D, the internet can’t get me enough information on the topic. It’s sometimes helpful, but most times annoying and distracting.

So again, who influences us?  We have a lot of offers to choose from. We also know there are more important issues out there than which pants to buy or vitamins to take. Every topic we can think of has people posting their comments and points of view. Anytime someone voices an opinion, a hundred other people weigh in, many time disparaging the original opinion, or more often the original voice of that opinion.  We begin to think our opinion matters on every issue, whether this actress has gained weight or that politician has lost his mind. We used to be very limited on where our opinions landed, especially face to face. I feel we had more boundaries, feared reprisals. Today we can just like or hate something we read with a click, regardless the consequences of our words.

And I think that makes us more apt to express our views face to face with the same carelessness. I’ve seen it with students who are used to dissing people online, so why not in person?

“I read/heard it online so it must be true.”  “It’s everywhere, everyone is talking about it, how can it not be true?”  How many times have we heard or even said this? And so today thousands of people have accepted as “truth” things that once very few people would have agreed with. There was no moon landing. The Holocaust didn’t happen. Vaccines do more harm than good. History is being rewritten because someone on the internet said so.

That’s ok, I like that we are free to speak what we think. But I also fear we are even less likely to seek other voices, dig to find truth, with the ease of “hearing it” on the internet. I’ve always been a sceptic, annoying people with my questions. The internet has only made me more annoying. When someone asks if I’ve heard about the latest health or political thing they’ve read online, I usually question it from the start and go look for myself. But that takes time, and a lot of us just don’t bother. And if the latest health or political thing comes from someone we trust, well, all bets are off, it must be true.

I have a news feed that shares both sides of the political spectrum on the day’s news. I never cease to be amazed at how polar opposite the opinions often are. There is very little gray area anymore. I’m as guilty as anyone. I’ve tried more recently to at least read the thoughts of people I disagree with, just to try and understand why they believe what they believe. But it’s hard.

As a Christian I am glad to be reminded that, when searching for truth, Jesus is the Truth. When it begins to feel like there is no such thing as “truth”, it’s good to be reminded that with Jesus, things are “the same yesterday, today and forever.” We can trust Him. When all else seems like a bag of contradictions, we can turn to Jesus and hear what’s of prime importance, and know that it’s true. By “turning to Jesus” I mean read His words for yourself, check Him out first hand. Hearing what other professing believers have to say can often lead you into another algorithm. But reading Jesus’ story in the Bible first is the best place to begin, then it’s ok to weigh out the multitude of online opinions.

Though there is a whole world out there screaming for my attention and desiring to influence me in one way or another, I am choosing to follow Jesus. If anything veers away from Him, that is something I will avoid. For me, life is safest when I let Jesus be my prime influencer.

 

Father's Day

 

Today is Father’s Day. My father passed away 20 years ago so it’s not really a day I give a lot of thought to anymore. Maybe a truer statement would be that I think about my dad all the time and seek to honor his legacy daily rather than one day a year.

My dad followed in his father’s footsteps and became a pastor, although he would say he did so “kicking and screaming”. In college he felt God pulling him away from his desire to go into the medical profession and become a pastor. He served in three churches, one in Oregon and two in Washington. Two of the churches were rural, small town parishes, more community churches than denominational. His final church was urban, and finally a time where they bought their first home, having lived in church owned houses the other years.

Dad loved people, whether you attended his church or not. In keeping with his love of medicine, my dad trained as an EMT and volunteered for the fire department across all three parishes. In his last location he was asked to serve as chaplain for the fire district. He met and served a lot of people along the way. We went back to his first parish for the church’s 100^th anniversary, and so many people came up to us with stories about dad. A common theme was meeting dad outside of the church, at community events, in times of crisis, in their place of business. Their interest in church or God was minimal or nil. But dad didn’t judge them, or “bug them” beyond an open invitation to join him on Sundays.  We met a woman who was baptized that day, who years after we’d been in that town had come to know God and gave dad the credit for starting her on the path. 

Dad loved to have fun. He was a character, full of jokes and good natured ribbing. He loved to laugh. He enjoyed games, particularly cards, and had regular gatherings to play.  He was very competitive. He loved the beach, and we camped at Beverly Beach or Fort Stevens every summer as long as we lived in Oregon. Fishing and hunting were also part of his life, as much for the friends he took with him as the actual catch. My love of sports came from his interests. I enjoyed being his only “son” for a while, until my brother came along six years later and he had an actual son.  Dad enjoyed just sitting around the table talking with friends and family. He was an amazing story teller.

I never thought my dad was a great preacher. He stuck to a formula his whole life. However, most of his parishioners would disagree with me. We all agree he was a great Bible teacher. He laid the foundation for my love of the Bible and what it has to say in our lives today. Dad made it accessible, real, contemporary. He also enjoyed kids. He served as his own youth minister for his two smaller parishes. He was involved on a larger level with a youth ministry organization, serving as Dean of their summer camp program for years in two states.

He was my biggest mentor and supporter. He attended every sports event I participated in, every play I was in and every concert. As an adult he would still find a way to be at events I oversaw to give his support. My dad was a certifiable workaholic, but he always found time to support us in our endeavors. He was a very role oriented male who was blessed with three daughters who brought him into the world of outspoken, self-determining women of the 70’s. I know that wasn’t easy for him, especially when our mother broke out of her stereotypic housewife mode to expand her life more (like getting her driver’s license while I was in college). But dad never discouraged me from the roles I chose. He was anxious about my entering the church ministry role as a Christian education/youth director. Those roles had been traditionally filled by men, and he knew a difficult role would be complicated more by my filling it as a woman. He was right, but he was so supportive.

Don’t get me wrong, my dad was far from perfect, and he’d be the first to tell you that. He was a hard task master. I wanted his approval, and feared his disproval. His voice still rings in my head at times. I don’t remember his saying “I love you” until after my mother died. But he would sign cards and letters “love, dad” and I cherished that. He wouldn’t usually volunteer hugs, but would give great ones if you initiated it. He was tough and pretty stoic with his emotions, until he wasn’t. After mother died, all bets were off. He cried quite easily then.  He was a complicated man, whom I dearly loved.

So here’s to fathers! Here’s to the complicated mess of family. I don’t know of a single family that doesn’t have some dysfunction, some certainly more than others. I am thankful that amidst our dysfunction we had a lot of stability and love. I know I was blessed to have the father I had. Happy Father’s Day (with apologies for being a day late in posting).

Mentors

 

A friend recounted a story this week involving another friend and mentor in our lives. It’s good to be reminded of people who have made a difference in our lives.  Years ago one of my students was talking about a music teacher who had made an impact on them. I asked if the student had ever told the music teacher that. He hadn’t, but went on to do so.  I realized that was something I hadn’t done either. So I wrote a letter to a teacher who had meant a lot to me, to thank them. The result was a reconnection and a friendship I might not have had if I hadn’t reached out. I got a text a few weeks ago from a person thanking me for my place in their life. It is amazing to hear that you made a difference. This person has been in my life throughout, but to hear those words meant a lot.

I think we all wonder if our relationships with people have had any impact.  Even when we should be able to see it. My dad once wondered aloud if he had left a legacy.  I actually got a little upset with him for even having to ask. My goodness, he’d been a pastor for 40+ years, had helped countless people, how could he even wonder if he was leaving a legacy? The fact that all of his children were fellow believers should have been proof enough.  But, it’s hard for us to see our own handiwork. And hard to hear of it because we don’t want to sound prideful. 

Relationships can be exhausting, whether it’s making new friends or continuing with old. To keep relationships active and vital we have to work at it. The minute we take it for granted, we risk losing it.  Years ago, as Christian Education Director, I rearranged the adult Sunday school classes to be grouped around topics rather than ages. I was young. I thought people would enjoy more cross generational experiences, and being able to choose a topic of interest, rather than being ‘forced’ to attend just one group.  What I didn’t realize was how many people used that time to arrange their social lives. Meeting together with your age group once a week made it easy to make dinner dates, set up for group activities and share information. By splitting them up, I inadvertently created a situation where they’d have to work more at keeping up relationships. They didn’t like that.

But the downside of grouping by age and staying with the same group forever was keeping new people from feeling welcome. New people had no choice but to go to their age group. But these were people who’d been together forever (especially the older groups) and though wanting to welcome new people, it also required more effort to truly make them welcome. Often they didn’t want to put in that effort. We can form cliques so easily, we don’t even notice, and it’s hard work, if not impossible, to bring in someone new.

True mentors are people able to bring others alongside them and help them find their place. They will put in the effort to find the time to get together. They will show them the ropes, teach them what they need to know, and not grow tired of their questions. The school I taught in formed a mentorship program between long time teachers and new. For the most part, it’s been highly successful in integrating the new teachers into the school. However, if you are jealous of your material or position, or feel threatened by the new person, you won’t make a very good mentor. Not everyone has the patience or the temperament to mentor. And not everyone has the desire to be mentored, especially if they know it all already.

Fortunately, I have had the privilege of being mentored by some great people. I’ve had several pastors whom I’ve worked with or for who have made a huge impact on my life. My own father was a great mentor as well.  My maternal grandfather was one of my greatest mentors. The mentor I was remembering above really came alongside me and helped ease me into my job in the church. They stayed beside me the entire time I worked there. Their example of selfless service played a huge role in the person I am today, trying to match their example. I’ve had a couple of teachers who made a huge difference in my early years, and a few teachers who, as co-workers, mentored me through my years of teaching. Because of the extra effort it might take to walk beside someone for a period of time, I think many shy away from the role. But what they don’t understand is the blessings flow both directions.

We need to take the time to remember and thank those who have been instrumental in our development. I am so thankful to have been blessed by so many giving people in my life. I am also thankful for the opportunities to give back by being a mentor myself. The effort has always been worth it.

 

What The World Needs Now

 

The Bible teaches that all of us sin, all of us are sinners. There are no exceptions to that in human history, except Jesus Christ, and for a time Adam and Eve. The term “Sin” has always been misunderstood and misused, including its use by so-called believers. Mostly, if we give it any thought at all, we’ve come to think of “sin” as individual acts, particularly acts more heinous or obvious. Some even believe “sin” is a term created by arrogant “Christians” wanting to have one-up on the rest of the world. Being better than someone else is definitely a human problem – pride, selfishness rolled into that issue.

Biblically, “sin” isn’t just a thing or an act. As I have written of before, sin means missing the mark, God’s mark to be specific. God sets the bar high and none of us can reach it. Not one.  For instance, we’ve all committed some act that misses the standard set by the 10 Commandments. We miss the mark because we are impaired, broken. That impairment is Sin with a capital “S”. We have a nature that prefers to go our own way, do our own thing, regardless of our Creator’s standard for us. The Bible says “All have sinned and fall short.”  We all miss the mark.

Non-believers take great pleasure at watching believers mess up. The tabloids are full of pastors who have been found out doing something awful. The pleasure comes from believers wanting non-believers to think they are indeed “sinless”. A lot of energy is given to covering up acts of sin, so a believer presents themselves as ‘better than’. But sin usually finds its way out of the cover-up and into the light. Then, “A-ha! Hypocrite!”

On the other end, some believers have taken up crusades against sins they believe somehow taint them as well as those practicing the acts. They have leveled their lances particularly at LGBTQ+ and Abortion. Apparently those are “sins” that must be legislated against because they hurt us all. They seek legislation that will ban these “acts” and protect us from ourselves.  God gives us choice, crusading Christians do not. 

When asked, ‘What gives you the right to judge us?’ these crusaders will claim the Bible. But I believe that they are wrong. Jesus was pretty harsh on those who judged another’s sins, missing their own, going for the speck in another’s eye while missing the plank in their own.  

I know I write about this a lot. I do so without apology. We are all sinners, whether we believe it or not. The whole point of Christianity isn’t so those who claim to be Christians can be superior to the rest of the world because “they are forgiven.”  The whole point of Christianity is that every person who has ever lived is a sinner in need of a savior. Christ died on that cross 2000 years ago to forgive us all, by taking the blame for all our sin. That’s the Bible’s claim about Christ. He died once for all, no exceptions. In His death, all were forgiven. That means all of us, believers or non, were forgiven 2000 years before we ever committed a sin. Those today who believe that claim are not any less sinner than those who refuse it. They have just accepted the gift of grace provided on their behalf long before they were born; a gift they did nothing ever to deserve.

Christianity isn’t about good deeds. It isn’t about being a good person. It isn’t about being sinless. It’s about accepting God’s gift of Jesus’ sacrifice.  That acceptance still leaves believers sinners. But, if they allow God to work in them, they can be less apt to do acts of sin and more apt to do good things and be a better person.

Lost in this silly, sin “crusade” is the ability to see people as individuals, not labels. The ability to see a woman in extreme need because she finds herself pregnant and alone. The ability to see a young person struggling to find out just who and what they are. The ability to see a person of a different color, perhaps not a citizen of our country, seeking a better life. All of these people are God’s creations, just as much as you or I. None of them deserve our indifference, our distain, even our hatred. All are sinners just like us, in need of God’s grace and forgiveness. Many of them are blocked by crusading Christians barring them from seeing God’s grace in Jesus, seeing only the unforgiving faces of people claiming to be Christian.  As a friend of mine once said, “I know Jesus can’t love me because the people who love Jesus don’t love me.”  What an awful incrimination against those of us who claim to know Christ. We should be open and welcoming to everyone. We should respond to people like Jesus did, with open arms.  The only people Jesus ever spoke to harshly were those religious leaders who sound a lot like judgmental believers today.

Once we accept that we are all sinners, every one of us, and that we still have the desire to sin even after accepting Christ’s gift, we can begin to accept one another, love one another, as Jesus did when He died on the cross for us all. If God was willing to die in our place, regardless of what direction sin took us, shouldn’t we be willing to give our lives to those still in search of a savior?  Maybe it’s time to stop crusading against our pet sins and start loving the people around us, so that when they see us they see Jesus’ great love for them.