Mentors

 

A friend recounted a story this week involving another friend and mentor in our lives. It’s good to be reminded of people who have made a difference in our lives.  Years ago one of my students was talking about a music teacher who had made an impact on them. I asked if the student had ever told the music teacher that. He hadn’t, but went on to do so.  I realized that was something I hadn’t done either. So I wrote a letter to a teacher who had meant a lot to me, to thank them. The result was a reconnection and a friendship I might not have had if I hadn’t reached out. I got a text a few weeks ago from a person thanking me for my place in their life. It is amazing to hear that you made a difference. This person has been in my life throughout, but to hear those words meant a lot.

I think we all wonder if our relationships with people have had any impact.  Even when we should be able to see it. My dad once wondered aloud if he had left a legacy.  I actually got a little upset with him for even having to ask. My goodness, he’d been a pastor for 40+ years, had helped countless people, how could he even wonder if he was leaving a legacy? The fact that all of his children were fellow believers should have been proof enough.  But, it’s hard for us to see our own handiwork. And hard to hear of it because we don’t want to sound prideful. 

Relationships can be exhausting, whether it’s making new friends or continuing with old. To keep relationships active and vital we have to work at it. The minute we take it for granted, we risk losing it.  Years ago, as Christian Education Director, I rearranged the adult Sunday school classes to be grouped around topics rather than ages. I was young. I thought people would enjoy more cross generational experiences, and being able to choose a topic of interest, rather than being ‘forced’ to attend just one group.  What I didn’t realize was how many people used that time to arrange their social lives. Meeting together with your age group once a week made it easy to make dinner dates, set up for group activities and share information. By splitting them up, I inadvertently created a situation where they’d have to work more at keeping up relationships. They didn’t like that.

But the downside of grouping by age and staying with the same group forever was keeping new people from feeling welcome. New people had no choice but to go to their age group. But these were people who’d been together forever (especially the older groups) and though wanting to welcome new people, it also required more effort to truly make them welcome. Often they didn’t want to put in that effort. We can form cliques so easily, we don’t even notice, and it’s hard work, if not impossible, to bring in someone new.

True mentors are people able to bring others alongside them and help them find their place. They will put in the effort to find the time to get together. They will show them the ropes, teach them what they need to know, and not grow tired of their questions. The school I taught in formed a mentorship program between long time teachers and new. For the most part, it’s been highly successful in integrating the new teachers into the school. However, if you are jealous of your material or position, or feel threatened by the new person, you won’t make a very good mentor. Not everyone has the patience or the temperament to mentor. And not everyone has the desire to be mentored, especially if they know it all already.

Fortunately, I have had the privilege of being mentored by some great people. I’ve had several pastors whom I’ve worked with or for who have made a huge impact on my life. My own father was a great mentor as well.  My maternal grandfather was one of my greatest mentors. The mentor I was remembering above really came alongside me and helped ease me into my job in the church. They stayed beside me the entire time I worked there. Their example of selfless service played a huge role in the person I am today, trying to match their example. I’ve had a couple of teachers who made a huge difference in my early years, and a few teachers who, as co-workers, mentored me through my years of teaching. Because of the extra effort it might take to walk beside someone for a period of time, I think many shy away from the role. But what they don’t understand is the blessings flow both directions.

We need to take the time to remember and thank those who have been instrumental in our development. I am so thankful to have been blessed by so many giving people in my life. I am also thankful for the opportunities to give back by being a mentor myself. The effort has always been worth it.