Family

 

September 5, 2022

It is Labor Day Weekend. Summer is winding down, I’m back to work and feeling a bit melancholy. We had a wonderful summer, days with friends and family, playing groupies to my brother’s band, sitting in the sun, reading lots of books, occasionally doing something traditionally productive like gardening or laundry. This weekend I had time with my oldest and closest friend (at another concert) and with my family (playing games and eating barbecue). An almost perfect time.

Of course, it can’t be perfect. We get in the way. Life gets in the way. My friend was recovering from bronchitis and her coughing made others wary of Covid. My family has its own occasional digs and worries that pop up in their heads during gatherings, jealousies, illness, competitiveness. But those things aside, it was lovely to be together, laughing and reminiscing and still choosing to spend time together, despite our baggage.

So many people avoid their family. Even after Covid drove us inside and away from others for months, some still don’t see the point of family. Friends, that’s another story, but family not so much. The idea that my sister and I would see each other every day, take turns cooking meals to share together every evening would blow some minds. We simply enjoy each other’s company best. She’s the easiest person to be with. We even enjoy sitting in silence. It’s a privilege.

The other side of all this is my need for alone time. When everyone left yesterday I was exhausted, and I hadn’t had to do a whole lot. It was the impact of having people around for eight hours of nonstop conversation and fun. While it’s happening, it’s great, but after it’s over I am done.  Sometimes I wish I had my brother’s extravert personality that draws strength from being with others. I enjoy it, most times, but pay on the other side.

I saw that in my students during our on-line school. Some were thriving, being alone most of the day, not having to be around the crowds. But others were fading away, depressed and lonely and certainly not gaining any strength from faces on a computer screen. We need what we need. It wasn’t healthy for any of us. Introverts need people too, though we can convince ourselves otherwise. And it didn’t help any of us to have only ourselves for company.

“It is not good for man to be alone.”  Within the creation accounts in Genesis, God makes this statement. He walked and talked with Adam every day. Adam also had all the animals around him, occupying his time naming them. Some could even talk or at least communicate – the serpent could, and no one seemed surprised at this.  But God observed it was not enough. Adam needed more. So God made him a partner.  Even in a sinless world, with God there to walk with you, and talk with you and answer all your questions, it wasn’t enough.  That has always amazed me. Perhaps it’s just having someone like me, which God certainly is not on most every level.

If we needed companionship from someone like our self in a sinless world, how much more that companionship must have been cherished once the world was broken by sin. To find a husband or a wife or a friend who would listen, and understand and walk with you must have been some of the best life could offer. Especially amidst the violence and evil that also began to surround them.

It makes it all the more sad that some people choose to cut themselves off from others, perhaps because they’ve been hurt or abused. It seems preferable to go it alone. But alone isn’t what’s best for us. I am so thankful for weekends like this, where I have shared time with some of my favorite people. I don’t want to take those times for granted, because I am so lucky to have them at all.

 

July 2023

My family was all together on the Fourth of July this year. There used to be a lot of us – grandparents, aunts and uncles, four kids, spouses. I remember a few Christmas’ with a dozen people around my table. Now there are 7. It was a delight to have our nephew choose to join us. We usually see him only twice a year. But, he chose to spend much of the time alone on his phone. When it was just one or two of us, he’d hang around and talk, but when we were all here – too many. I get it. But at dinner, with all of us present, sitting around my dining table out on the deck, I was in my special place.

 

I am thankful for my family and our connections. I know we have something a lot of people do not. It’s not like we don’t aggravate each other, because we do that probably better than anyone else could. But we also enjoy each other’s company and choose to spend time together. I thank my parents for that, and look forward to someday all sitting around a table together again.