What Are You Doing?

 

Since retiring, the favorite conversation starter seems to be, “what are you doing now you are retired? To add to this is the perceived expectation that you are doing something amazing.  I say “perceived” because the asker may not be thinking that at all, but I think that’s what they are thinking. Why? Is it because I think I should be doing something amazing? Maybe not amazing, but at least worthwhile or a bit adventurous. What I have been doing feels far short of expectation.

Yet, I am enjoying having few expectations. I enjoy not having to meet someone else’s schedule. I really enjoy not having to be up and to work on Monday mornings. I love not having to wait until weekends to take a trip, even if the trips have been close to home, no African safari in sight. My days are still full of household duties – meal planning, shopping and fixing, laundry, bathroom cleaning – but I don’t have to wait until the weekend. My husband and I were talking today about how it seems the main items we have to schedule around are doctor’s appointments.

But the question of ‘what are you doing’ does haunt me a bit. I want to make good use of my time, and I’m not so sure I am doing that. I’m a work in progress.

Jesus told a parable about a man who went on a journey and left his three servants responsible for his estate. He divided up “talents” or money amongst them, giving each a different amount.  Two of the men put the money to work and made more. One man hid his portion away, afraid to mess up.  Time passes and one day the man returned. He called in his servants and ask for an accounting of what he’d left in their care. The two men who had put their portion to work had doubled their amount. The one who hid his portion away only had the original to show.

The man who hid his portion away was scared to make a mistake, to lose the boss’ money. But the story seems to be teaching that he needn’t be afraid of trying, the man wanted his servants to put what they had out there, to do something with it. The real crime of the third man was not even trying.

Why weren’t the other two afraid of failure? I think because they knew their boss very well. They knew he wanted them to be doing something with what he had entrusted them. If they failed, they had confidence he would understand. I don’t think they had carte blanche to do whatever reckless plan they envisioned, but the main thing was not to let things sit idle. The inference is the third man didn’t really know his boss. He was afraid to fail, afraid of what the boss would do if he did fail. And his worst fears became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

A question that arises from this story is what was it the man gave his servants? Money? Probably. The older translations of the Bible used the term “talents”, so people have taken that to mean whatever special gifts we might have. I recently read another way of looking at this story. Not everyone has money to share. Some people feel they don’t have any special talents either. Are we to take the story literally and assume we were left out of God’s giving assignments if we don’t have money or talents? But what do we all have, regardless of where we live or the resources we have? We all have a life. Maybe that is what we are to be investing, our lives for God’s purpose.

This story speaks to me. I have been given a lot, what am I doing with it?  I may not have some grand scheme, but am I doing anything with what I’ve been given? The “what” isn’t as important as the “doing” – if that doing is to extend God’s Kingdom in my world. Sharing what I have been given is a huge part of that extension. Writing this blog. Spending time with the people in my life. Opening my doors and heart to those around me.

Maybe most important is looking for ways to invest my life. How am I spending my life? I don’t think I am just to share the resources I have. I need to share myself.  How open am I when someone asks for help? Or when I recognize a need? How openhanded am I with my time and resources? With my life?

There was a time when I viewed phone calls and unexpected visitors as interruptions. When I was working in a church it seemed I was always being “interrupted”, especially by the phone.  I was convicted to stop perceiving these calls and visits as interruptions. Once I began to view them as opportunities, or even better, surprises prompted by God, I had my eyes opened to a whole new world of ministry. This didn’t change when I began teaching school. My few minutes before class or my lunch hour were precious minutes to get some work done or have some downtime, and then someone would walk in wanting/needing to talk. I had to relearn how to see this as opportunities to share my life, after all, it really wasn’t my time to own in that way. So many times those unexpected visits would turn into the most special moments of the day, if I was openhanded with the time.

So, which servant am I, the one who dared spend his master’s gift, or the one who hid it away? One of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver, once asked in her poem A Summer Day, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

 

Oliver, Mary. New and Selected Poems. Beacon Press, Boston MA. 1992.